It was a warm summer day and the tortoise and the hare,
bitter rivals, decided to go out for a walk around the woods to enjoy such
beautiful weather. The wind was blowing, sun shined on the tortoise’s back,
grass on their feet, and each others company as they talked of the lady
tortoise next door and hare’s latest and greatest of lovers, Shaniqua from
downtown Compton back near the old Wal-Mart that shut down after the massive
gang fight around 5 years ago and as they walked along the path, their homie
Jamaal the black bear told them of a race to the local forest bar and ale
house, the winner would get a specially made drink by the tavern barista
himself.
Extremely intrigued in the idea of this drink, the two
alcoholic best friends made for the starting line and got ready for the race.
Shaniqua watched from the spectator stands as Hare, who runs a 3 minute mile,
got ready to kick his good ole hefty old enemy the tortoise in a race for the
ages. Tortoise as a kid was the type who never ran, only ate bon bons and drank
excess amounts of beer, all day long regardless of the weather.
The race began as Jamaal the bear fired his 9 milli burrp
burrp the gun went as the smoke from the shot came off the gun and the sound
rang in both tortoise and hare’s ear for quite sometime. Hare got off to a fast
start and got way ahead of the tortoise, as the race path took them through the
main streets of south LA to a bar on the North side. Along the way, despite his
fast running, the hare got himself into a number of predicaments with bloods,
crips, and latino gangs alike, significantly slowing him down each time. After
one of the altercations, over hare allegedly stealing Shaniqua from notorious
gangbanging blood Cardinal Moses, the enormous amounts of gun fights turned
into an all out riot, today known as the riots of 1987, which forced Hare to
have to hide in a run down shack along the main road. He was forced to hide out
for over 5 hours until the gangbanging thugs stopped fighting. However, he fell
asleep in the process and didn’t wake up until the next day.
All the while, Tortoise, a notorious gang kingpin leader of
the Los Angeles area since the age of 6, knew to stick to the back roads to
avoid altercations and potential run ins, moving slowly he stayed out of trouble,
and by the time the hare woke up, the tortoise was only a few paces from the
finish line, dripping from head to shell in sweat, gasping for each breath as
usually, his homies did the running for him. Hare was too late, so he stole a
local child’s bike as well as the child’s 8 sack of marijuana and picked up
Shaniqua as they rode back to his small home on Grove Street, thankful to be
alive and still frustrated that he hadn’t won the race due to a lack of judgment
and his own cockiness despite his division 1 caliber speed now so helplessly
wasted due to his lack of commitment to academics while in high school.
As for the tortoise, this gangbanger enjoyed his drink, as
he drank he tapped into a new hidden talent of his, rapping. He worked on his
rap game, and eventually his rhymes and beats got him off the streets and “out da
hood” as he became a millionaire, today known as Rick Ross, not fat tortoise,
although still fat he enjoys pears and his women, often times dissing his old
arch rival the hare in many of his songs, and boasting on his win in their legendary
race back in the 80s, that for him was forever life changing.
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